Despite the relative tastelessness of kisses, they are usually referred to as
sweet. Tasting of wine, strawberries and honey are some of the most common
descriptions of lover’s kisses, although some poets are more creative. For
example, The Song of Songs says, "Thy lips drip as the honeycomb, my spouse:
Honey and milk are under thy tongue."
The feeling of a kiss is also described in a multitude of ways, The pounding of
the heart, quivering of the limbs, pain in the chest and quickening of the
breath are some examples of this. The Persian poet Ha-fez, writes that he fears
he will “char her delicate lips” when he writes of kissing his beloved.
The Spirit Within a Kiss
"At what else does that touching of lips aim but at a junction of souls?"
Favorinus of Arles
The Babylonian goddess of love, Ishtar, was said to hold life in her mouth,
offering spiritual delight to those who worshipped her. “That rarest gift, the
honeyed kiss of love/ On earth, is sweeter bliss than gods enjoy,” she tells one
of her followers.
Another example of the use of kisses as an exchange of life force or spirit is
in the Egyptian legend of Osiris and Isis. When Osiris’ jealous brother, Set,
threw him into the Nile, his wife Isis searched for his body in the river and
breathed life into him through a kiss.
The Renaissance saw a rapid rise in the view of kissing as an exchange of souls,
and as an offering of the self to the other person. Allusions to kissing in
poetry included an eternal kiss, a swoon that carried the couple almost to
death, and most importantly, the diffusion of one soul into the body of the
other.
Perhaps one of the most potent notions of kissing revolves around the belief in
its life force and vitality. The Romans particularly believed that kissing a
dying lover would keep the spirit in the body longer. Ovid, particularly, mourns
that his wife will not be able to extend his life with her love because of his
exile. Kisses could even follow the dead into the Underworld as a comfort to the
shades of the dead.
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Relationship Advice: Follow your gut
When people seek relationship advice from a trusted friend
or family member, it is most likely a waste of time, says
relationship author Justin Luyt.
"We ask for relationship advice often when we feel we do not have
the answers to our relationship challenges," Luyt says. "We grasp
for external wisdom, with the false belief that we do not know
the answers, but if we are being authentic to ourselves, we have
those answers."
Luyt recently published The Spirit of Romance, a book that offers
readers practical relationship advice and uses interactive
planning tools to not just change thoughts, but feelings and
behavior, too. Using the term "Spirit", Luyt defines the inner
source people must acknowledge before looking honestly inside
themselves instead of seeking relationship advice from others.
"We know why we are where we are in the relationship," Luyt
says, "but often avoid our own internal introspection. Spirit
challenges us to grow and learn."
He insists that by strengthening relationship with Spirit,
people can truly grow and move past the challenges at hand.
"When we ask for help from a friend, it is for an ear... not
guidance," he summarizes.
Throughout his book, Luyt offers a look at self-reflective
relationship advice, all based on Spirit, which allows people to
see others in their true light, as people filled with desires,
dreams and vulnerabilities.
Luyt writes people seek mutual personal and spiritual growth as
the basis for any relationship. His ideas of Spirit inspire
people too look within their core being to experience something
they can understand and feel completely. This acceptance of
Spirit negates the need for outside relationship advice when
people can answer the crucial questions with knowledge from
within.
When a relationship changes form or course, people have it within
their Spirit to redirect their energies from sensitivity and
vulnerability to spiritual strength. This strength gives people
the ability to become their own relationship advisors because
they have gained the insight necessary to overcome false doubts.
or family member, it is most likely a waste of time, says
relationship author Justin Luyt.
"We ask for relationship advice often when we feel we do not have
the answers to our relationship challenges," Luyt says. "We grasp
for external wisdom, with the false belief that we do not know
the answers, but if we are being authentic to ourselves, we have
those answers."
Luyt recently published The Spirit of Romance, a book that offers
readers practical relationship advice and uses interactive
planning tools to not just change thoughts, but feelings and
behavior, too. Using the term "Spirit", Luyt defines the inner
source people must acknowledge before looking honestly inside
themselves instead of seeking relationship advice from others.
"We know why we are where we are in the relationship," Luyt
says, "but often avoid our own internal introspection. Spirit
challenges us to grow and learn."
He insists that by strengthening relationship with Spirit,
people can truly grow and move past the challenges at hand.
"When we ask for help from a friend, it is for an ear... not
guidance," he summarizes.
Throughout his book, Luyt offers a look at self-reflective
relationship advice, all based on Spirit, which allows people to
see others in their true light, as people filled with desires,
dreams and vulnerabilities.
Luyt writes people seek mutual personal and spiritual growth as
the basis for any relationship. His ideas of Spirit inspire
people too look within their core being to experience something
they can understand and feel completely. This acceptance of
Spirit negates the need for outside relationship advice when
people can answer the crucial questions with knowledge from
within.
When a relationship changes form or course, people have it within
their Spirit to redirect their energies from sensitivity and
vulnerability to spiritual strength. This strength gives people
the ability to become their own relationship advisors because
they have gained the insight necessary to overcome false doubts.
Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love
I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.
Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.
This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”
They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feeling the love feelings.
Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)
1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.
2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the right path.
3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.
4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, of the shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens when the attractors become the distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.
5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.
6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.
7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors become, again, the distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.
8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after the children are in school and/or the oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)
Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have the capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about the emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.
How to use your brain to Seduce Woman
If you're one of those guys telling to yourself that Antonio
Banderas might be a little prettier then you but again your IQ
beats that of Einstein by an inch, than the next lines were written for you. You have to know how to use your advantage against a two-digit IQ macho-man and this is no easy deal. Some studies even say that intelligence alone is actually not too sexy to most people. Therefore it would be wiser to use intelligent ways to seduce a woman then just act smart.
There are more ways to do this, some better and some worse. For example, you can be immoral enough to use your wits just to have sex, by manipulating women. For this "hit-and-run" approach you'll need a little more than just your intelligence, you'll have to know how the human mind, women's in particular, work in order to outsmart them, control the game and win it using their own weapons. But before you get to keen on the idea just remember that there are other, more honest ways of winning a woman's admiration.
All of our actions, interacting with the opposite sex included,
involve a little risk taking. If you think you are the hit-and-run
type of guy maybe you should watch Cruel Intentions and destroy all the excitement that comes with the game. But if you're not then just "go with the flow" and see what happens. Gamble a little and let romance play its natural role in a relationship.
If you take things even further into consideration you might end up concluding that every single word and gesture we do when we interact with another person has its risky part in it. Saying "HI" to a stranger on the street, asking someone on a date, asking for her phone number in the middle of the date or trying to get the first kiss at the end of the night... There are always two possibilities: the YES possibility and the NO possibility. But
would it be so exciting if you wouldn't take all these risks?
Compare this interaction with a snow boulder! With each risk you
decided to take the boulder gets bigger and heavier. And if all
goes well it will get big enough to become unstoppable. That's
when you can say that you have a real relation.
Playing the game smartly also includes playing it honestly. The
hit-and-run guys pose as the feminist sensitive men while using
their wits to control the game and reach their goals. But sincerity
is about something else, it's about being yourself.
More than that it is about being comfortable with who you are
entirely. It's about doing what you want to do and not fear that
you will lose something because of your actions. And most
importantly it's about honestly not want something in particular
from a woman because seducing a woman is not a goal in itself, is
not a hunting game, nor a chess game. It's just our way of finding
the other half.
Banderas might be a little prettier then you but again your IQ
beats that of Einstein by an inch, than the next lines were written for you. You have to know how to use your advantage against a two-digit IQ macho-man and this is no easy deal. Some studies even say that intelligence alone is actually not too sexy to most people. Therefore it would be wiser to use intelligent ways to seduce a woman then just act smart.
There are more ways to do this, some better and some worse. For example, you can be immoral enough to use your wits just to have sex, by manipulating women. For this "hit-and-run" approach you'll need a little more than just your intelligence, you'll have to know how the human mind, women's in particular, work in order to outsmart them, control the game and win it using their own weapons. But before you get to keen on the idea just remember that there are other, more honest ways of winning a woman's admiration.
All of our actions, interacting with the opposite sex included,
involve a little risk taking. If you think you are the hit-and-run
type of guy maybe you should watch Cruel Intentions and destroy all the excitement that comes with the game. But if you're not then just "go with the flow" and see what happens. Gamble a little and let romance play its natural role in a relationship.
If you take things even further into consideration you might end up concluding that every single word and gesture we do when we interact with another person has its risky part in it. Saying "HI" to a stranger on the street, asking someone on a date, asking for her phone number in the middle of the date or trying to get the first kiss at the end of the night... There are always two possibilities: the YES possibility and the NO possibility. But
would it be so exciting if you wouldn't take all these risks?
Compare this interaction with a snow boulder! With each risk you
decided to take the boulder gets bigger and heavier. And if all
goes well it will get big enough to become unstoppable. That's
when you can say that you have a real relation.
Playing the game smartly also includes playing it honestly. The
hit-and-run guys pose as the feminist sensitive men while using
their wits to control the game and reach their goals. But sincerity
is about something else, it's about being yourself.
More than that it is about being comfortable with who you are
entirely. It's about doing what you want to do and not fear that
you will lose something because of your actions. And most
importantly it's about honestly not want something in particular
from a woman because seducing a woman is not a goal in itself, is
not a hunting game, nor a chess game. It's just our way of finding
the other half.
How To Use Reverse Gossip To Get Someone To Like You More
Ordinarily we think of gossip and rumor-spreading as a negative network of lies and false assumptions that destroys reputations and ruins careers, but did you know that you can use gossip to your advantage when trying to create rapport and build trust with someone? Yes, its true. Use that very same negative network to make yourself appear more likable to another person.
The Underlying Psychological Mechanisms Involved
The American Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with a 5-layered system of human needs that motivates people in life. One of those layers of need is the need for self-esteem and the sense of belonging. As human beings, we not only need to feel good about ourselves, but we also require confirmation and feedback from others on how they perceive us. Negative feedback poses a risk to our own self-esteem and therefore it creates conflict because we strive to protect our self-esteem. Positive feedback, in the form of compliments or respect, boosts our level of self-esteem and we tend to gravitate towards that positive feedback.
So All I Have To Do Is Start Complimenting People I Like?
Well…Only if you want to come off looking fake or like the drunk guy at the bar. Understand that while people like to hear good things about themselves, they are also highly suspicious about any compliments that you might give them. When we get complimented by someone who has not yet entered our circle of trust, we perceive it as a polite gesture or a red flag that they want something from us. We hold back accepting that the compliment is genuine until all avenues have been exhausted. Repeated compliments further raise the red flag in the person’s mind and act against our objectives to create rapport because it pushes them farther away. Some people are very good actors and can make themselves come off looking completely genuine when they give compliments and disarm their counterpart, but this is something that most people do not possess.
So What Can I Do?
The same network of gossipers that are used to destroy reputations can also be used to increase your rapport with someone. You see, when someone hears a compliment from you, they don’t often believe it as being genuine because they discount it as mere politeness, or that you are trying to manipulate them somehow. When they hear from a third party that you respect or admire them, they perceive it as being true because it is being told by a neutral party and it creates instant fondness for you because now they perceive you as someone who can meet or increase their level of self-esteem. I liken this to self-promotion versus testimonials. Anyone can go out and bolster about themselves and a few people might believe it, but most don’t. Testimonials from satisfied clients are a powerful marketing tool because people perceive that the business or individual is trustworthy and delivers a good service or product. The same holds true with marketing yourself to another person. Tell a third-party that you respect or admire the person that you like and it will create a positive image for yourself.
The Underlying Psychological Mechanisms Involved
The American Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with a 5-layered system of human needs that motivates people in life. One of those layers of need is the need for self-esteem and the sense of belonging. As human beings, we not only need to feel good about ourselves, but we also require confirmation and feedback from others on how they perceive us. Negative feedback poses a risk to our own self-esteem and therefore it creates conflict because we strive to protect our self-esteem. Positive feedback, in the form of compliments or respect, boosts our level of self-esteem and we tend to gravitate towards that positive feedback.
So All I Have To Do Is Start Complimenting People I Like?
Well…Only if you want to come off looking fake or like the drunk guy at the bar. Understand that while people like to hear good things about themselves, they are also highly suspicious about any compliments that you might give them. When we get complimented by someone who has not yet entered our circle of trust, we perceive it as a polite gesture or a red flag that they want something from us. We hold back accepting that the compliment is genuine until all avenues have been exhausted. Repeated compliments further raise the red flag in the person’s mind and act against our objectives to create rapport because it pushes them farther away. Some people are very good actors and can make themselves come off looking completely genuine when they give compliments and disarm their counterpart, but this is something that most people do not possess.
So What Can I Do?
The same network of gossipers that are used to destroy reputations can also be used to increase your rapport with someone. You see, when someone hears a compliment from you, they don’t often believe it as being genuine because they discount it as mere politeness, or that you are trying to manipulate them somehow. When they hear from a third party that you respect or admire them, they perceive it as being true because it is being told by a neutral party and it creates instant fondness for you because now they perceive you as someone who can meet or increase their level of self-esteem. I liken this to self-promotion versus testimonials. Anyone can go out and bolster about themselves and a few people might believe it, but most don’t. Testimonials from satisfied clients are a powerful marketing tool because people perceive that the business or individual is trustworthy and delivers a good service or product. The same holds true with marketing yourself to another person. Tell a third-party that you respect or admire the person that you like and it will create a positive image for yourself.
How to talk to A WOMAN?
Taking a girl out on a date already says a lot. But this whole business is not just about seducing someone. You must gain the confidence and trust of the person sitting at the other end of the table. More than that, you must make her feel good in your presence and even want more. How to do this? Simple! When you're not flirting with her just let her take control for a while.
Always keep in mind that women's favorite subject is themselves. This little "bug" in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don't think it ever hurt anyone. What I'm trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious... just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.
Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you'll receive the most "points" for cherishing her intelligence.
Always listen to her when she talks! Sounds too obvious? Maybe, but the key thing is that it counts less if you've been really listening to her as long as she thinks you weren't. Therefore you can use several tricks like saying confirmation phrases ("I see", "yes" etc.) showing that you're following her. Just don’t do it so much that she mistakes you for her shrink. Re-telling what she just said is another useful skill as long as you don't abuse it. You simply rephrase what she said and she'll know you got the point. Nevertheless it can be very annoying if you overuse it.
And, as I mentioned earlier, when she makes you curious about something just ask her! This proves you were listening in the first place. The same happens when you make a compliment based on something she just said.
But curiosity can also be used whenever you run out of topics in a conversation. Every woman is curious by nature so all you have to do is to stir her curiosity and forget all about you running out of interesting subjects or her getting bored.
Always keep in mind that women's favorite subject is themselves. This little "bug" in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don't think it ever hurt anyone. What I'm trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious... just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.
Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you'll receive the most "points" for cherishing her intelligence.
Always listen to her when she talks! Sounds too obvious? Maybe, but the key thing is that it counts less if you've been really listening to her as long as she thinks you weren't. Therefore you can use several tricks like saying confirmation phrases ("I see", "yes" etc.) showing that you're following her. Just don’t do it so much that she mistakes you for her shrink. Re-telling what she just said is another useful skill as long as you don't abuse it. You simply rephrase what she said and she'll know you got the point. Nevertheless it can be very annoying if you overuse it.
And, as I mentioned earlier, when she makes you curious about something just ask her! This proves you were listening in the first place. The same happens when you make a compliment based on something she just said.
But curiosity can also be used whenever you run out of topics in a conversation. Every woman is curious by nature so all you have to do is to stir her curiosity and forget all about you running out of interesting subjects or her getting bored.
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